Our friend Pinocchio has been at it again during this Election campaign. I was intrigued to note early on that he was even spotted by the Labour candidate, who even called him by this name when listing his various achievements of the last 18 years.

There has been the recurring theme of moving Surbiton Station into Zone 6, now enjoying its fourth General Election outing – and still nothing done! Then of course there’s the Great Hospital Scare of 2010, now having a well deserved re-run as the heroic tale of ‘How I saved the Hospital from the Non-existent Threat’. I guess this is due for a quinquennial re-run if he gets the chance!

One of the features of the latest burst is the bit about ‘How I’ve been a Minister in the Government of the Ghastly Cameron for the last five years.’ Not that he says Cameron is ghastly in so many words, nor does he trouble to explain how he managed to maintain his political purity while just having to accept the Ministerial salary etc that went with it. I feel a lump coming in my throat at the very thought of it!

I wouldn’t have bothered mentioning any of this but today – not long after the revelation that his Leader Clegg is looking to see if he might not find a way to be dragged, kicking and screaming into another Coalition with the Ghastly YouKnowWho we get the latest scare which has me almost shivering in my slippers. Pinocchio announces EVERY VOTE FOR THE CONSERVATIVES RISKS PUTTING NIGEL FARAGE IN NO 10′

Shock!! Horror!!! Nigel himself hadn’t thought of that one!

All those Tories who have spent the last several months trying to persuade everyone NOT to vote UKIP have been engaged in a cunning plan worthy of Baldrick himself to put Farage in power. And, he tells us ‘EVERY SEAT THE TORIES WILL WIN WILL PUT THEM ONE STEP CLOSER TO AN ALLIANCE WITH UKIP’

That’s right, in Pinocchio’s little world of makebelieve, a Tory hold in Thanet South, or the recapture of Clacton or Rochester brings us nearer to an alliance with the very people we will have ousted.

Once more, friend Pinocchio is hoping enough people will be taken in to vote him back into the House and (just possibly) to another five Ministerial years in Coalition with those awful Tories!